


Setting Up the Holidays

by distant_rose



Series: Ro Writes One-Shots [4]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Awkward family set ups, Blind Date, Christmas Fluff, Dumb Banter, F/M, bails bonds!Emma, cop!killian, idiots who don't realize they're actually dating, they're semi-married and don't know it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-09-25 03:29:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17113598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/distant_rose/pseuds/distant_rose
Summary: Emma Swan is an accomplished woman. She’s got a job, a cat, a family and a sarcastic asshole for a best friend. Why her sister-in-law feels the need to constantly set her up on blind dates? She doesn’t know. However, what she does know is that it’s incredibly awkward when your sister-in-law tries unknowingly to set you up with your best friend.





	Setting Up the Holidays

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Katie_Dub](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katie_Dub/gifts).



> Hi @katie-dub, I’m not your secret anything but you deserve a wonderful treat for this holiday season and I really hope you enjoy this and the amount of times I mentioned The Muppet Christmas Carol, which I officially cannot watch without thinking of you. This is a bit of a train wreck but I hope you enjoy it anyway because, again, you’re wonderful and deserve the best and I love you. And that’s really all there is to it.

The door closes and Emma watches as her sister-in-law lets out a nervous laugh. She scowls at her, not willing to give the other woman any sympathy after one of the most awkward encounters in her life. She has beer stains on her dress and potato chips in her hair, and it’s all Mary-Margaret’s fault.

“So... Wine?”

“You tried to set me up with one of my skips,” she replies flatly, arching an unimpressed eyebrow.

“He seemed nice,” Mary-Margaret replies defensively.

“He’s been charged for identity fraud for, you know, stealing the identities of women he goes on dates with.”

“He didn’t mention that we were chatting at the grocery store.”

It’s in that moment that Emma’s irritation turns into pure horror. Her mouth opens in shock and it takes her a few tries to close it.

“You tried to find me a boyfriend at the grocery store? Oh my god, Mary-Margaret, he could have been a serial killer!”

“I’m just trying to help you! I don’t want you to be all on your own!”

“I’m not on my own,” she tries. “I have Bug.”

“Bug is a cat and he’s nearly ten years old. He isn’t getting any younger and neither are you!”

Emma closes her eyes, trying to collect herself. She takes a deep breath, recalling the instructions her therapist gave her. _Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breath out..._

“Okay,” she says with a heavy sigh, trying to release the tension in her shoulders and failing miserably. “Okay....I appreciate what you’re trying to do for me...I really do...but you need to stop.”

“Emma, you can’t give up,” Mary-Margaret whines, looking at her with pleading eyes.

“It’s not the end of the world if I don’t have a boyfriend. I don’t need one to be happy. I have you, I have David, I have Bug. What more do I need?”

“But you’re not happy, Emma.”

“I’m not upset either. I’m perfectly content. I have a job, a cat and you guys. That’s all I need.”

“You deserve to be more than content. I want you to have same happiness that I have.”

“Well, you’re not going to find happiness for me in aisles of Big Y unless it’s Poptarts. Look, it’s late and I’ve lost my appetite, I’m just going to head out, okay?”

“What you’re not going to stay? I have a roast going for you!”

“I wasn’t going to that eat much to begin with. It will do David some good to have some leftovers for lunch instead of buying the Granny’s special all the time. Just, please, don’t set me up any more blind dates okay?”

“But Emma–” “No buts,” she cuts her off. “I’m done. No more. I got rent tonight but I’m never going to get these stains out of this dress.”

With awkward business of arresting her blind date out of the way and getting her sister-in-law off of her back, Emma makes her exit. She’s too annoyed with Mary-Margaret to stomach eating her pot roast or even the pineapple upside down cake she has sitting on the kitchen counter. 

She needs to vent and there’s only one place she goes to do that.

Killian Jones is Emma Swan’s best friend but he’s also the biggest pain in her ass.  They met when he was still a beat cop in the South End. She had been doing her typical honey trap routine and had handcuffed her skip to a bike rail in the middle of winter and he had been the one to answer the call. While he had made a lot of flirty remarks about her dress, he had been chivalrous in loaning her his coat and ignoring the distinct black eye her skip had been sporting. They weren’t immediate friends, but she had always trusted him.

Now, instead of picking up her garbage, he listens to her bitch about her irritating family while letting her raid his beer supply. He’s the perfect candidate to listen to all of her problems mainly because he doesn’t know Mary-Margaret and David, and therefore can’t make her feel bad about getting cranky at literally the two nicest people in the world.

Which is why she immediately goes to his place after the disastrous dinner. She doesn’t bother with ringing the doorbell or knocking, she unlocks the door with the key he gave her a few months back and strolls into the apartment announced, making a beeline for the refrigerator.

“Well hello to you too,” Killian drawls, not bothering to get up from the couch. He merely lifts an eyebrow at her in judgment.

Emma ignores him, immediately reaching for the Hula girl bottle magnet opener and aggressively popping the cap of her newly acquired Corona. She takes a healthy swig before turning to face him.

“Ah,” he says, trying not to smile. “What is it this time? A skip or the Charmings?”

She gives him an unimpressed look. “My brother and sister-in-law.”

“Ah, what did Snow White and Prince Charming do this time?”

“You’re going want a beer for this,” she responds, opening the fridge again. “You’re not going to believe it.”

“Oh, this must be good,” Killian smirks, putting his hands behind and leaning back.

She saunters over to the couch, handing him his beer and flopping down next to him. Killian automatically lifts his arm to allow her to fall into his side, which she does without even thinking about it. She picks up his remote and shuts off _It’s A Wonderful Life_ just as George Bailey is just figuring out that he’s no longer exists. She takes another long swig of her drink before starting her story.

“Do you know Walsh Green?”

“The name sounds somewhat familiar.”

“He’s an absolute scum bag. He scams women out of their credit information. He’s wanted for, I think, ten counts of identity theft and credit card fraud? Anyway, so I’ve been looking for this guy for maybe a couple days. And do I want to know where I found him?”

“I have a feeling it has something to do with your brother…” he says absently, his arm shifting behind Emma’s neck so that he can play with her hair. He twists and untwists the strands in his grasp. She tilts her head to the side to give him more access.

“He was at my brother’s dinner table tonight. My sister-in-law tried to set me up with him.”

“Ah, nice. They did all the hard work for you. I hope he was a hefty sum.”

“Oh yeah, rent is definitely paid off this month and maybe the next but, Killian, you’re not focusing here. She was trying to set me up with him…romantically.”

“Christ, she doesn’t think highly of your taste, does she?”

“Well, I’m sure she would have reconsidered if she knew more than his name. She met him at the grocery store and for some reason got possessed with the idea that being alive and having a name was the only things I desired in boyfriend. I’m not that desperate.”

“That is pretty bizarre.”

“Granted, I don’t even think this the worst blind date they’ve set me up on.”

“Do I dare ask?”

“They tried to set me up one time with the guy who sent me to Juvie.”

Killian’s eyes bulge and he chokes on his beer. Emma gives him a good whack across the chest in hopes of helping him but it’s quite clear from the half-hearted glare he gives her that her efforts aren’t appreciated.

“Holy shit, that’s terrible. Why?”

“Well, that might have been a little bit my fault since I didn’t exactly tell them why we broke up but at the same time, exes are exes for a reason. Though after I told my brother what happened, he chased Neal around the apartment with an iron poker which I have to say was entertaining but I almost didn’t talk to them for a month afterword.”

“I have to say I’m amazed that you’re speaking to them now.”

“Well, it’s almost Christmas and it’s not like I can just go somewhere for the holiday. I spent one year in my car chasing a skip with not a single coffee shop open and it was honestly the second or third worst of my life.”

“No coffee? That’s the worst. I would offer to have you over for Christmas, but I’ve got plans?”

“On duty again?”

“No actually. A buddy of mine from the academy reached out to me recently. He heard about what happened with Liam and my dad and I guess, he decided to adopt me. I’m spending Christmas with him and his wife, which should be interesting.”

“You close to this guy?”

“We were once upon a time, but he ended up in a different district than me and we just lost touch. I ended up in C-6 and he ended up in D-14.”

“D-14? Huh, my brother works there. I wonder if they know each other.”

“I would assume so. Who is your brother again?”

“Honestly, I would rather not say,” Emma replies, ducking her head. “Because in the event that you actually know him, I will seem like the biggest asshole in the world. He’s like fucking Captain America and I’m literally the worst for constantly bitching about him.”

“Not possible,” Killian says, shaking his head. “We all bitch about our siblings. My brother was probably one of the greatest men this world has ever seen and even though I knew how amazing he was, that didn’t stop me from getting irritated by him on a daily basis. It doesn’t make you a bad person, it just makes you a sister.”

“Wow, you’re just full of wisdom tonight.”

“I’m always full of wisdom, you’re just actually listening to me for once,” he grins. “So? You and your family have anything good planned for Christmas?”

“Hopefully we’ll do the usual, make cinnamon cookies and watch _The Muppet Christmas Carol_ , but knowing my sister-in-law, who knows? It might be just another blind date.”

“A blind date on Christmas?”

“I wouldn’t put it past her,” Emma replies before finishing off her Corona. “But anyway, I think George Bailey is over and done with. Do you want to watch another Christmas movie?”

“Sure, I think _When Harry Met Sally_ is on.”

“Ah, a classic.”

“But not a Christmas classic, regardless of what you say.”

“Killian, seriously, if you think _Die Hard_ is a Christmas movie, then _When Harry Met Sally_ can absolutely be a Christmas movie.”

“I concede it’s a New Years movie, nothing more, nothing less.”

“Fine. Whatever. Just watch it and shut up.”

She falls asleep during the final scene of the movie and wakes up around three in the morning, drooling on Killian’s shoulder. She tugs the fleece blanket she was using around his body, tidies up his coffee table and heads home.

She doesn’t talk to him much over the next couple of days. She’s up to her eyeballs in scumbags that she needs to find, and the Christmas creep is finally catching up to her. It’s three days before Christmas when she realizes she hasn’t done anything for the holiday except pound down gingerbread lattes. She spends thirty minutes on her phone looking up presents on Amazon before ordering a new panini-maker for her brother and sister-in-law and the latest bestselling political biography for Killian. She doesn’t think to buy anything for anyone else.

No one else in her life is more important than them.

The gifts arrived at her apartment on Christmas Eve despite the fact she has Amazon Prime. She has half the mind to lodge a complaint but decides against it. It’s a busy time of year and no one, not even an unfeeling customer service agent on the other side of the world, deserves to deal with unnecessary anger especially when her gifts arrive before they were needed.

Christmas Day arrives without much fanfare. She wakes up late and feeds her cat. She spends the morning watching _The Muppet Christmas Carol_ despite the fact she knows David and Mary-Margaret are going to be playing it on a loop at their place. Bug curls up on her lap and she sends an obligatory holiday text to Killian, wishing him luck at his friend’s place. He sends her one back almost immediately complete with an absurd amount of emojis.

She throws on an ugly Christmas sweater with glitter reindeer after that, preparing herself for the evening to come. She crosses her fingers and prays to various different deities that her sister-in-law didn’t set her up with an awkward blind date on Christmas. She just wants a nice quiet day with her family, some cinnamon baked goods, hot chocolate and obligatory Muppets movies.

Unfortunately, her prays aren’t answered.

As soon as Mary-Margaret opens the door, she hears the sound of male laughter and her brother talking to someoone. She immediately moves to close the door and make her escape. She’s not putting up with this today.

“Wait!” her sister-in-law says sheepishly. “It’s not a date I promise!”

Emma narrows her eyes, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “Alright then, tell me what it is because it looks awful like another one of your setups. You have fifteen seconds before I walk.”

“It’s an old friend of David’s. He doesn’t have any family, so we offered to host him for the holiday. C’mon Emma, no one deserves to be alone on Christmas.”

“It better not be Graham,” she mutters. “You already tried to set us up and then I found out he was sleeping with your cousin.”

“No, I don’t think you’ve met him. His name is—” “Swan?”

Killian Jones is standing her brother’s hallway, looking at her with wide eyes. He’s wearing one of those ridiculous Rudolph sweaters that has a giant red pom-pom glued to it. They stare at each other for a moment. The apartment is silent save for whatever _The Muppet Christmas Carol_  playing in the background.

“Hey Killian, I thought you were going to get us another beer?” David calls, walking into the hallway with a smile on his face. It falters slightly as soon as he reads the mood in the hallway. His blue eyes shift back and forth between his wife, Killian and Emma. “Everything okay here?”

“What are you doing here?” Emma asks, ignoring her brother and focusing on the man in front of her.

“I was invited…” Killian replies awkwardly.

“You two know each other?” David asks, immediately suspicious.

“Yeah, she steals my beer almost every other weekend,” Killian remarks with a snort. “We’ve known each other for what? Two years now, Swan? She usually has me pick up her garbage.”

“I didn’t know you knew Killian!” Emma exclaims, deciding not to answer Killian in favor of interrogating her brother.

“I didn’t know you knew him either or else I probably wouldn’t have let MM try to set you guys up!”

“Ha!” Emma shouts. “It was a setup!”

“You trying to set me up with your sister, Dave?” Killian asks, raising an eyebrow.

David gives him a half-hearted glare before turning to his wife. “This was a bad idea...”

“I thought I said that I didn’t want any more blind dates!” Emma hisses

“I just want you to be happy!”

“Completely disregarding what I want does not make me happy!”

“Look, it seems like you guys have a lot to talk about and I’m intruding on your family time. I can just go…” Killian says, shifting awkwardly.

“No!” Emma and Mary-Margaret shout simultaneously.

“Okay, okay, okay, okay, I’ll stay.” Killian holds his hands up in surrender, looking at David for help. The other man just shakes his head before retreating back into the living room. Kilian looks back and forth between Mary-Margaret and Emma, looking like he wants to something. He opens his mouth briefly before closing it and joining David.

“I’m going to go make us some hot chocolate,” Mary-Margaret says after a moment.

“Good choice but I’m still angry with you,” Emma replies, her frown still firmly set on her lips.

“Hey…you’re okay with Killian being here right? This isn’t another Graham or Neal situation, right?”

“No. Killian’s a good guy. We’ve been friends for a long time…I trust him.”

“Then why haven’t you talked about him before?”

And that was the million-dollar question, wasn’t it? Why Emma had decided to keep the most important people in her life separate from each other? There were a variety of reasons for it from the fact that she liked having an objective person to vent to about her family to the fact that she had dreamt up this very nightmare scenario where her sister-in-law would absolutely try to set them up and ruin their friendship. None of them she felt comfortable sharing with Mary-Margaret.

“I dunno…I just never thought about it I guess…”

“Really? You never thought of mentioning your cop manfriend to your cop brother? Emma, come on! How stupid do you think I am?”

“You really don’t want me to answer that question,” she replies drily. “Look, this isn’t really a conversation I want to have at the moment, so why don’t you drop it and give me some hot chocolate to make up for this nonsense?”

She gives Emma an unimpressed look but says nothing as she walks back into the kitchen. Emma lets out a sigh before deciding to join her boys in the living room. Unsurprisingly, they’re still watching _The Muppet Christmas Carol_. She chuckles, sitting next to Killian on the couch and kicking off her shoes.

“How is it that I didn’t know you and David Nolan were related?” Killian asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Because it’s not something I advertise.”

“Everything in my life has suddenly made sense. I mean, looking back on it, there were all the signs from what you said about them to what he says about you…I just feel like a bad detective for not figuring it out sooner.”

“Don’t beat yourself up about it and you are a bad detective.”

“See if I ever do the bookings for your skips again, Swan.”

“Oh please, you love me. I’m the most exciting thing that happens in your day.”

“The various murder and drug cases I have would disagree with you here.”

David coughs pointedly, giving them an annoyed look. “Do you two mind keeping it down? Some of us want to see what the Ghost of Christmas Past has to say.”

“We’ve already watched this movie once already, Dave. You already know what happens.”

“Well, prepare yourself for watching it at least another eight times,” Emma chuckles, raising her feet and putting them in Killian’s lap. “That’s what we do here.”

“Not that it isn’t a great film, but can I ask why?”

“Because it’s the first Christmas movie I ever watched,” Emma says softly. “You see, I’m adopted and I didn’t really get much Christmas cheer growing up. I was in foster care and most of the time my foster parents didn’t have enough time or resources to really give us any presents or stuff, so most of them just didn’t celebrate it. It wasn’t until Ruth and David that I had a real Christmas…and that year the cable wasn’t working and all they had was _The Muppet Christmas Carol_ on VHS so that’s all we could watch. They felt bad about it but it was literally the best Christmas I ever had and so in honor of that Christmas…we kinda just play it on a loop in honor of that first Christmas.”

“That’s not what I expected,” Killian admits. “But in a good way.”

Mary-Margaret returns, carrying four mugs of hot chocolate with the grace of an experienced waitress. She pauses upon seeing the placement of Emma’s feet. Emma can see the question in her eyes but surprisingly she doesn’t say anything. She merely gives her a significant look as she hands off her cocoa.

It isn’t until Mary-Margaret curls into David’s side that the Inquisition starts.

“So, Killian, how did you meet our Emma?” she asks, trying to sound casual.

Emma stiffens, waiting and partially hoping for a nuclear apocalypse to hit. Killian places a hand on her leg in quiet assurance that he can handle it. Still, she holds her breath.

“Well, it’s your typical story. Boy meets girl, girl is a badass bounty hunter in the world’s tiniest dress and has a scumbag handcuffed to a bike rack while boy is a devilish handsome beat cop who is incredibly witty and quite the gentleman. Girl is cold and boy offers girl jacket while ignoring the fact girl totally beat the crap out of said scumbag.”

“He deserved it,” Emma grumbles. “He tried to grope me.”

“Of that I have little doubt. Needless to say, I was impressed and the rest as they say is history.”

“You said something about fridge raiding?” David asks, narrowing his eyes at him.

“Ah yes, Swan has a weakness for my beer stash and occasionally she comes over so we can talk shop, complain about work and occasionally fight over whether _When Harry Met Sally_ can qualify as a Christmas movie.”

“If  _Die Hard_ is a Christmas movie then _When Harry Met Sally_ can be a Christmas movie,” Emma declares, taking a long sip of her hot chocolate. She closes her eyes briefly, enjoying the cinnamon and nutmeg only Mary-Margaret ever adds in. It’s her favorite.

“Right,” Mary-Margaret says in an odd voice. “I’m going to check on the ham. Emma, mind helping me in the kitchen?”

“Ummm…sure?” Emma replies, somewhat perplexed. Normally David and Mary-Margaret do all the cooking while she just provides the booze. Cooking has never been her area of expertise. She was more of the frozen pizza and instant ramen noodles kind of girl.

Reluctantly, she gets up for her comfortable position on the couch. Killian gives her a concerned look, obviously catching the confusion in Emma’s reply but she waves him off. There’s no need for him to be worried over Mary-Margaret. She can handle herself.

She follows her sister-in-law into the kitchen where she immediately opens some of the supermarket wine that Emma brought over and pours them each a glass.

“I’m not going to set you up on any more blind dates.”

“Thank God!” Emma says, sighing in relief. “What caused you to finally listen to me after ignoring the fact I told you explicitly not to set me up with anyone at least a thousand times?”

“The fact that you’re dating Killian,” she says bluntly as she hands her the wine. The statement nearly causes Emma to drop it.

“What?”

“You’re dating Killian,” she repeats. “I just wanted to make you aware because you legit don’t seem aware of the fact that you’re dating and it’s concerning me.”

“We’re not dating,” she protests. “We’re just friends.”

“Okay, I’m going to put this delicately. You drink and eat dinner together and you want movies together. On top of that, you’re cuddling him on my damn couch. You don’t even let us touch you like that. You’re dating.”

“Friends do that stuff!”

“He’s touching your feet, Emma. You never let anyone touch your feet.”

“So, we’re comfortable with each other.”

“Yeah, like relationship comfortable with each other,” Mary-Margaret replies, unimpressed. “Look, I’m not telling you this to freak you out. In fact, I’m rather pleased. You guys are kinda cute.”

“You’ve only seen us together for five minutes,” Emma replies, rolling her eyes.

“Yeah, and you seem five times more comfortable with him than I’ve seen you with any other person, including David and Ruth,” she says, putting her glass of wine on the table and then placing her hands on Emma’s shoulders. “It’s a good thing. It’s nice to see you comfortable with someone but I think you need to reevaluate your relationship with him because you’re good together now but you can be even better. He seems worth it.”

Emma has no idea respond to that, so instead of giving a reply, she takes her wine glass and drains it in one gulp. The wine is a lot more sour than she had been expecting but taste isn’t exactly what she’s looking for at the moment.

She goes back to the living room more troubled than ever, returning to the couch. Killian automatically shifts to accommodate her. She drops down next to him robotically. He gives another concerned look.

“You alright, love?”

“Yeah, fine,” she shrugs. “Just thinking.”

“Well, don’t think too hard. I can already see the smoke coming from your ears.”

“Ass,” she whacks him across the chest.

“Please, you love me.”

She immediately stiffens at those words. He’s right. She does love him and, fuck, Mary-Margaret is right. They’re totally a couple and they’ve been a couple for a long time. The elevation is completely terrifying.

“Seriously, Swan, what’s wrong?”

“We’ll talk later okay?”

“Alright, but don’t think I’m going to let this go and forget about it.”

Emma nods, already lost in her own thoughts. She’s a zombie throughout the movie and throughout dinner.  It takes David three times to get her attention in order to ask her whether or not she wants more mashed potatoes, but Emma isn’t hungry. She’s too busy wondering just exactly how long she and Killian have been sorta-kinda-but-completely dating.

She’s almost impressed with how long it takes for him to finally break and ask her again what’s wrong with her. It happens just as they’re leaving her brother’s apartment and Killian is walking her to her car.

“Okay, it’s time to fess up. What’s going on with you?”

She doesn’t give herself time to think; zero filter between her head and her mouth as she blurts out what she’s been mulling over since Mary-Margaret dropped that bombshell on her in the kitchen.

“We’re dating, aren’t we?”

He freezes at the question before responding in a way she hadn’t been expecting. He laughs.

“Yeah, we kinda are and have been for a while…”

“Awhile?”

“At least a year, I think. I mean, as far as I’ve been concerned, you’re the only woman who has a key to my apartment at the moment.”

“A year? Are you fucking kidding? Why didn’t you say something!”

“Many reasons, but first and foremost because I didn’t think you were ready. I mean, I understand completely. You got your heart crushed and you’re still working on that, so I figured I would just wait and see if you mend and figure things out on your own…I didn’t want to scare you.”

“Christ,” she whispers, running her hands through her hair. “I’ve been a bit slow on the uptake haven’t I?”

“A little but trust me, you’re worth it. Even if I had to wait another year or two or fifty. You would have been worth it.”

“So…you’re my boyfriend?”

“I think we just established that.”

“And I’m your girlfriend?”

“That is how it works.”

“Okay, okay…well, as my boyfriend, would you like to come over and I don’t know watch _The Muppet Christmas Carol_ for the fiftieth time and possibly, I don’t know, make-out some?”

“Swan, I would like nothing better.”


End file.
